You may have read my article how to end a friendship. This article looks at the other side of the coin and asks “what should you do when someone else decides they don’t want to be your friend anymore.”
It happens to all of us, sometimes people for whatever reason, “unfriend” you. Don’t take it personally, it doesn’t mean you’re a bad person, in fact many times it means they have their own issues to work out.
I’ve had a similar experience lately. A while back I ended a relationship with a girlfriend. Things didn’t work out and we went our separate ways thinking we would still be friends.
A month after we broke up, a friend of mine got together with her. I let them know that it was ok by me and I was genuinely happy for the both of them. We decided we would all still be friends. But afterwards we drifted apart.
We’ve all been pretty busy and life always gets in the way, but recently I learned that they have both deleted my number, “unfriended” me on Facebook, and ignored me when they ran into me on the street.
I don’t like jumping to conclusions, but it does appear that they have decided to end our friendship. It happens and is just a part of life.
You will get those people who decide they don’t want to be your friend anymore, even if you were good friends before. What do you do when it happens to you? What is the right thing to do?
Never Jump To Conclusions
If it seems like someone is avoiding you, don’t get mad. It could be a coincidence; I know I have appeared to be avoiding other people when in reality I just had other things going on. Life happens!
The last thing you want to do is have a bunch of anger and resentment against someone who still views you as a friend. Don’t be afraid to invite them along when you are going somewhere or to reach out to them when you bump into them at the mall. It doesn’t matter if they would do it for you, be the bigger man.
Don’t be the desperate man trying to win his friend back, but be warm and welcoming to them just like you would be to anyone else.
Remember Its Not Your Problem
This may come as a shock coming from me as I did a whole article on why you should blame yourself for the things that happen to you, but if someone just doesn’t want to be your friend anymore, it isn’t your problem.
If you have treated others with respect that is all you could have done. This is one of the few situations where looking for the problem and trying to fix it probably won’t work.
It may be that they decided that you were not a good fit as one of their friends. If they did it is no use arguing with them because it isn’t easy to change someone elses mind once it is made up. It could also be (and probably is) that they just weren’t a good friend to begin with.
Whatever the case the problem is theirs to deal with. You may look to see if there was anything you did to drive them off (be honest with yourself), but even so it’s better to just let it go and focus on the future.
Meet New People
I wouldn’t spend any time feeling sorry for yourself. Life is full of abundance and there are always more people to meet and share your experiences with. Joy is all around us.
I wouldn’t forget them either or pretend like they don’t exist. Instead remember that it was just one part of your life and that it is now time to move on. Life can get better as we grow older, so there is no point in dwelling on the past.
You should always be seeking out new people who you get along with and who can teach you new things that you want to learn. Don’t sit still, don’t stop living life with a passion, but at the same time don’t forget where you came from.
The people you meet and have around you will dictate where you end up in life, so go seek out others who you can learn from and who will inspire you. Take this as an opportunity to meet people who are already doing what you want to be doing and who can give you the courage to try it for yourself.
Welcome Lost Friends Who Come Back
Often people leave because they are lost. They don’t know what they want out of life or which road they should take. If they come back to meet you while on their journey, welcome them back!
Don’t try to get even with them or stay mad about something that isn’t even relevant. As the old saying goes, and eye for an eye makes the whole world blind.
If they haven’t really done anything bad to you, (like steal your identity or break into your house) why punish them? Don’t forget that they may desert you again, but don’t turn a cold shoulder to them. If everyone does they may have nowhere left to turn to. Be that beacon of light that leads them on the right path.
Everyone wants to be friends with the person who is warm, welcoming, and forgiving. If you treat others like you would want to be treated and become the person you would want to be friends with, you’ll always be surrounded by people who care about you, even if you occasionally draw in those that don’t.
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