Jealousy in a relationship is natural. In small doses it is actually a good thing, it keeps people together and can show your partner that you care. If it gets out of hand however, it can have the opposite effect.
Ironically jealousy often becomes a self fulfilling prophecy. As one partner focuses on the bad things and is constantly trying to control their relationship they end up pushing their partner away.
Jealousy is nerve wrecking, unattractive, and just not a situation you want to be in. If you find yourself as the jealous partner and are constantly thinking that your partner is out to cheat on you, here are 4 steps you can take.
Step: 1: Determined If You Are Justified
There’s an old saying, “Just because your paranoid doesn’t mean people aren’t out to get you.” Having been cheated on myself I know for a fact that there are times when you should be concerned.
A partner may cheat on you if they are losing interest, if you guys are fighting a lot, or if they are unhappy with the relationship. Weak people cheat because they are afraid to confront you about their feelings and they find it easier to simply hook up with someone else. This way you have to be the one dealing with a stressful situation and they are off scott free.
Even though there may be times when being jealous is justified, in the vast majority of cases people over-analyze things and try to make something into a bigger deal than it really is.
Before you jump to any conclusions think about how well your relationship has been going. People don’t normally just “up and leave” from a happy relationship.
Are there signs that they are unhappy? Are you guys fighting? Do they tell you that they are going to their Grandpas for the week and are tagged in a singles bar near you a few hours later? Or are they still calling you, paying attention to you, and trying to make things work?
If you guys appear to be happy together, your worries are probably all in your head and you need to work on overcoming insecurity instead of your jealousy. But if you guys are having problems in your relationship, than you might be in trouble. You might actually need to talk to them and find out.
Step:2: Get A Life Outside Of The Relationship
One of the healthiest things you can do for your relationship is to have a life outside of it. This is even better advice if you are the jealous type.
Having other friends, goals, and hobbies can help you to quit worrying about the little things and just have fun. If you convince yourself that your partner is going to cheat on you and you focus on that, than you will just push them away.
Your subconscious will make your fears into a reality if you focus on them for too long.
By having a life outside of your relationship you stop pushing your partner away because of the little day to day things and you start becoming more attractive to them because you are not always readily available.
It’s simple, the more your life revolves around one person, the more possessive you will become and the more you will FIND reasons to be insecure about it. The more you have a balanced life, the less likely you will worry over things that you shouldn’t be worrying about.
On the off chance that your relationship doesn’t work out, having a life outside of it can also help you to cope with the loss and to find someone else that is a better match for you.
Step: 3: Talk To Them
I know this one is a long shot, but it may just work :). If you have already built up a relationship with this person and you have history together then there will still be something there. As the song goes, “A Kiss is Still A Kiss”
More than likely they can help you to get through your jealousy problems and to put your fears to rest. A little jealousy can be a good thing, and some people like it when their partner gets jealous now and then because it shows that they care.
It is when this happens too much that it becomes a problem. If you really think that there is something that needs to be said then say it. Talk to your partner, tell them your concerns and listen to what they have to say.
If you’re the jealous type, let them know so that they can help you to get through it and to trust people.
Step: 4: Don’t Be Afraid To Walk Away
If you feel like your partner is lying and cheating on you than it may be too late. If your partner has lost interest in you, if they are playing you, or if you can’t work out your problems by talking about them your best solution is probably to walk away.
After all, sometimes there is nothing you can do. Someone who is determined to cheat will find a way to do it regardless of what happens.
In some ways jealousy is a scarcity technique. It comes when you are afraid of loss because you fear that you will never find another person like them again. (p.s. if they are cheating it is in your best interest to not find someone like them again :))
A healthy relationship comes from an abundance mentality. You both have to know that there are plenty of fish in the sea and either one of you can easily walk away if things aren’t working out.
Don’t become a cheater yourself, but realize that you don’t have to stay in a situation you don’t want to be in.
When you focus on not losing what you already have you may hold onto them too tight. You may push them to wanting to break free from your tight grip.
When you focus on finding love and happiness, you may find out that you haven’t met your true love yet, or you may find out that your current partner loves you enough to keep the glue together.